ener here,,, wip page may 8, 2026 to xxxx
uhm... i think it is most relevant to start in my early life section
i was born to white partents in my white south louisiana town. i am from the south but not really the deep south. my mother was from new orleans, and my father is from the other side of the lake where i reside.
i grew up hella malnourished. my mother fed me mostly grains... the only reason im not totally destroyed is due to the fact that she let me skip out on some vaccinations as well as not give me a shit ton when i was an infant.
but, nonetheless, that was about the only good thing she did for my health growing up. i was fed total garbage, worse than the regular diet. any time my father would make steak, he would overcook it to the point where it was completely brown and unappetizing. i never knew why i didn't like his porkchops or steak... i realized that fully after eating raw meat for the first few times though.
by the time i was 9 or 10, i was completely and utterly addicted to caffeine. this addiction persisted through all of elementary school and high school, where starting in elementary school, my mother would encourage me to use caffeine to "medicate" my adhd. first off, i just didn't pay attention in school because i didn't give a fuck. my mother is the one who made me study, made me care about it, and made me make a big deal out of it. it got to the point where i would cry in school if something miniscule happened to my grades.
most of this would change in 8th grade, however. i kind of seriously stopped giving a fuck about school. i generally did well because i'm not retarded, but i stopped caring so much since my mother couldn't possibly have the hold on me she used to. in that time, at around 15 i had a friend who smoked weed. i had both caffeine and weed in my system a lot.
i would start to join a club of unnamed extracurricular activities at the lake of the club of the yachts around this time. keywords are mixed and matched to keep things as private as possible.
just before this, i would like to importantly interject with a little story of vril. i had developed acute NPD after learning how to use vril, accepting a demonic possession from what i came to know as kali, and wanting to escape my vessel. essentially, what i came to be aware of is that kali took over my conscience, then kali decided she wanted out of my body to ascend me to use me. it was a rough time period to escape all of that... i read a lot of devi's the lightning and the sun... it got to me in the worst way possible. kali could tell this vessel was packed full of magic, almost unnaturally so for this age and in this realm as a whole.
once this takeover was in place and i had internalized the words of devi, i felt this "moralization" so to speak to stop eating animals. the hate for humans really surged up inside me. i was stuck between being a childlike magic generator and an accelerationist destruction machine. eventually, it hit its precipice of me trying to destroy myself. i starved myself so much that my body started consuming its own flesh. my own muscle, visceral fat, et cetera. with this, obviously, since human was being consumed (myself), i was imbued with a ton of magic. unfortunately, any magic i had generated went straight to my ego since, after all, this is what vril is.
i had a sort of contained ascension. a lot of the things i learned during this time was truth disguised with lies, and i believed the lies since it was all i could "sense" if that makes any sort of sense on its own. i will end this talk on vril here, but it is very necessary to understand that all this happened and was pivotal, most importantly the part where i was essentially vegan for a while.
zooming in on the veganism (the most relevant part to this post as a whole), i remember towards the end i would randomly start craving meat so bad i couldn't stop myself from eating it. it's like trying to bite through your tongue or something, your body just won't let you do it.
down the line, i eventually broke free of my NPD. i will not refer to this as a year based timeline due to privacy constraints. it was very abrupt and sudden when i broke free. i started noticing new patterns in things, started to see the coding in nature. it was a little before i got into my NPD that i had learned about the jews, and if i recall it was just after i'd broken out that i learned of flat earth. i could seriously sense that we were in a realm without raw meat. it was pretty amazing and freeing. it was to the point where i had to re-internalize my name. i was like "what the fuck who is this, this is supposed to be me? i have to relearn all this bullshit about me that i'm supposed to be and show up socially and act like nothing's different?? what teh fuckk??" and so i did. i had to relearn how to live life.
school became increasingly hard as you can imagine, especially since i went to a small and relatively tight knit one (at least for the time being that we were in high school together, they don't like me much anymore). i had to literally recalibrate my social man made existence with these retarded facts i learned. socializing became increasingly difficult since EVERYONE IS FUCKING RETARDED.
in the middle of the NPD arc, i would join the ____ing place club thing.
initially, i didn't know what the fuck i was doing. i started to make some real friends there as i broke out of my NPD era, though. so why the fuck are these people important?
eventually i became an instructor for the people at the _____ club. at this place i met REDACTED_GIRL. this is why i was trying to make the dates anonymous, but realistically, keeping this part anonymous is the only part that matters. i had a lot of magic around this time period, just building up... of course it would attract open and vulnerable souls to it. especially younger individuals who are looking to soul bond to someone and aren't ruined by adults...
i remember still having relatively short hair, still being on caffeine... the moment we laid eyes on each other it was instant i remember. you can guess what happened. i'm not saying anything else. her story is not meant for here, although extremely relevant. but, if you know it, this is where it comes into place.
during the time that i was recalibrating both to this realm, essentially being reprogrammed by the realm and having to relearn society as a whole, i started eating raw meat. this was quite literally a few months after we met. we stopped talking til the year after as the summer was ending due to ______, and i had started eating raw meat right in august. i remember finding gatis's youtube channel somewhere in the mix, and i was super surprised that he started talking about flat earth on sv3rige. i was like wow, this fucker must actually know some shit about this realm. i will not comment on gatis nowadays much, since he doesn't matter much to me at this current moment. it's obvious that something fundamental changed in his conscience. but, i digress. he was the only other person i found who linked raw meat and flat earth together.
i was originally trying to hide dates, but now i see that there really is no point. i literally have the exact date that i started eating raw meat in my channel bio (august 2021 when hurricane ida hit the southern USA). gatis had been eating raw meat for like 5 years by the time i started for reference. i remember 4chan being the reason i started eating it though. i lurked a lot on pol, which is how i got into devi, esoteric hitlerism, etc originally. no idea how i got into flat earth. i think it was someone on 4chan mentioning it, and then me taking it into my own hands on bitchute. my logic was, why the literal fuck would people be shilling this so hard if there was nothing to it? these people are treating it like it's the truth and seem more mentally stable than the ones attacking it... hm... maybe i should look into it...
i treated a lot of things this way. being open minded is the only reason i really managed to get this far in life.
essentially from that point forward, my ascension had began. i had accumulated more and more magic in my body, especially with the music that i made starting in late 2022. raw meat and REDACTED_GIRL are both what got me to compulsively start making depressive breakcore. it made me understand the nature of music and magic itself.
i suspect that anything that happened past this point will need its own post. there is too much magic to even begin to explain my experiences, especially with the senses of anyone reading more than likely being completely neutered. not just that, but the backstory is a complete necessity. it's just too much to explain. too much ascended shit happens on raw meat, i swear.
if this feels open ended, then good. this is not at all supposed to be concise or cohesive in any regard. if you left feeling more clueless than you came in, then you actually understood everything you read more than likely. this is just some base background information to let you know what the fuck happened to me growing up, but the actual mechanisms are much more complex.
of course, this does not touch on my faggotry. i will have to make another post on raw meat and faggotry and trans-ness as a whole. not even worth touching in this simple post, which, ironically becomes more complex the more attention you pay to it. just, don't overthink anything okay? it'll all make sense the more you learn about me and yourself in the meantime. this life is all emotions anyway.
so hey! thanks for reading this post. it's definitely the most important background info to the rest of anything else that'll be on this blog area. hope you can get something out of the rest, since this background info will be overshadowing all of the things i do and allow you to piece things together about REDACTED_GIRL and the rest of my lived experiences of having a reset.
here are my favorite things: